When Hope Creeps In
We've all been promised a cure at some point in our lives with type 1 diabetes.
We've watched with a keen eye as researchers have unravelled some aspects of the disease, adding bits of information to the jigsaw puzzle that holds the answer.
We've walked and cycled and chain-emailed in our efforts to raise money to find a cure, to undo the damage to our small blood vessels, to protect our bodies against the long term ravages of hyperglycemia, and to spare our children.
For the last 15 years I haven't thought about a cure arriving in time for me(that's 20 years with diabetes, minus the first five years when some part of me bought the 'there'll be a cure for this in five years' line). It might, and I'll be quick to admit I was wrong if it does, but I usually think of a cure as something for the next generation of people with diabetes. A prevention, perhaps, or a way to stop the disease process before it steals the ability to produce insulin. A way to save my children if their 85% chance of not developing diabetes turns out to be insufficient.
Maybe my resistance to hope is a way to protect myself from disappointment. On second thought, scratch that, there's no 'maybe' about it. Along these lines, let me just say that I don't mope around feeling hopeless - I just resist getting excited about the latest research or development. It lets me keep an even keel, in a way.
The other day, however, I woke up low at about five in the morning and something snapped. I got angry. I did the math and realized that I'll need to earn my fifty year medal - and then some - if I want to be part of my grandkids' lives. And the daily grind of insulin, food, exercise, blood tests... well, even if I do it well for any length of time, I could be one of the unlucky ones.
In true Kassie fashion, I treated that low and shoved those fears aside for the time being. But there's no denying that I'm at a key point in my life as a person with diabetes. Nearly twenty years in, I'm the mother of someone who will barely be out of college in another twenty years. There has to be a way to take diabetes out of the equation.
This morning, while trolling Google news for diabetes-related information, I came across an article entitled, UVa lab creates possible diabetes treatment. I read the article, and now (dammit) I'm saddled with Hope.
Let's wait and see how long it sticks around.
posted by Kassie @ 10:39 AM
9 comments
9 Comments:
I saw a rainbow yesterday. And another today. The name of the paper publishing the article is the "Daily Progress," like something out of Harry Potter. Maybe silly, but I am filled with hope.
Today my pump flipped out. I thought it died and I suddenly hated D. I was pissed that I might have to rearrange plans for the day and worry if I had enough insulin on me so that I wouldn't have to rearrange plans. I was in a dark place. The first time I read the article, it just pissed me off. Too much hope, never any follow through.
Tonight...I'm in a totally different place. Pump is working, hope is flowing. Almost want to email my endo about it (how cool is it that she actually checked out my blog?).
I emailed that article to my support group.
Thanks for posting it!!!!
Wow I think about this stuff everyday and I try to put it aside myself I want to be around to see my god daughter get married and often feel like no matter what I do the inevitable might happen anyway... I try not to think that way but the little fear and jump in my stomatch happens time and time again reading you post I got that sinking feeling I am 24 years in and I am not in as good a shpae as a lot of people on here that I read .. it scares me yet it seems to know scare me enough as I don't try as hard as use too. Reading that article is hopeful yet I try not to get to excited do to the fact that everytime I read something it seems hopeful and does not turn out.. but with out hope what is there? so I am puting hope in my brain today and hope for the best and hope it is in my life time.
Thank you so much for posting this, Kassie.
I've been following Denise Faustman's research (among others) who've successfully reversed Type 1 in mice.
After reading this article, it almost seems less a question of whether or not we'll see a cure, and much more like who will do it first.
Kassie, Thanks for sharing this article. I may refer to it on my blog so my family can read it.
I'm glad you have a renewed hope. I really think the hope that Riley may not have this for the rest of his life is what keeps me going.
Kassie:
I certainly agree with your statement, "...I haven't thought about a cure arriving in time for me...". I have thought about it alot more now that I'm a member of the OC. It sure would be nice to put my pump, glucometer, a few test strips and a couple of syringes in a shadow box hung on the wall as a remembrance of how life "used to be".
If it happens, I'm buying myself a sledgehammer and having a good old diabetes equipment bashing party in my backyard. TAke that, pump! You too, glucometer! Would it ever be satisfying.
Like you, I don't spend much time thinking about a cure. I spent the first five years waiting for it and when it didn't happen, it was too hard to deal with to go back there. So. Sadly, I read this, and thought, "but I'm not a mouse."
They have this and it works in mice, which is great. But they need to find the right dose for mice, as they said; then they need to start up clinical trials for people, which (if they get the go-ahead) will take years and might not work. So I read this and thought, if everything goes well, maybe in ten years we'll have something.
And if it does, I'm buying that sledgehammer.
I know- it sucks- I succumb to Hope every now and again too-lol- But there is always that reality. Live each day to the fullest! But still...
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