Promises
I spend a lot of time (too much time) reading diabetes discussion boards. This morning, on one of the boards, a woman asked a question that has been with me all day.
Her question to her peers, tossed out for us to read and hopefully respond, was "if I have a couple of bad months or weeks or days or hours, what is happening inside me? Is it sustained highs for years that will take my kidneys? Or is it literally a couple of months? what?"
To me, her question echoes the mix of despair and frustration that I often feel. There is so much we don't know about diabetes. How can we plan for it? How can we judge our successes or failures? How much of what happens to us down the road can be traced to bad luck, and how much to the months, weeks, days or even hours when too much sugar coursed through our veins? And how much time am I sacrificing now, worrying about whether I live to be 60, 70, or 80 and a day?
Of course, there is no formula, no magic number, no "x days at y bloodsugar = lifespan - x". But that doesn't stop me from yearning for a guarantee. If I'm good, will I be ok? Promise?
Best I can do is look at it this way - every 'good' day is a bonus. Maybe that day will add time to my life, but even it it doesn't, I've had a day when I felt well - I wasn't running to the bathroom, I didn't have high blood sugar cotton mouth or leg cramps, I wasn't sleepy and lethargic and distracted.
I know it's not the answer we want, but it's all I've got.
posted by Kassie @ 6:38 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Kassie--
This is a great question and in a perfect world, one that deserves an answer. Unfortunately, we don't life in a perfect world (i.e. diabetes).
My philosophy is to live each day to it's fullest, Seize The Day so to speak. 99.9% of the time I feel great, so maybe this is something that other PWDs don't enjoy. Then again I try to carefully watch what I eat, bolus accordingly and exercise. Needless to say, I don't get it right all the time. Life has no promises for those who are 'healthy' as to how long they will live or as to whether they will even remain healthy, why should we expect anything different?
There is so much to live for and so many people in such worse shape than I am, I just won't let diabetes get me down or worry about how many days I have left.
Kassie--
After re-reading my post (and yours), I did not mean for it to come off as harsh or judgemental, especially if your having one of those times when the D pieces just won't fall into place. I have them too.
You and I have been playing this game a long time and I know the frustrations and doubts caused when things aren't working your way. Keep at it, things will turn around soon.
no worries! I didn't read you that way at all. Life has no promises, for sure. We can't expect anything different - but we're given this added layer of diabetes that, on a bad day, seems to be extra random. All things being equal, life has no guarantees. But all things aren't equal, you know?
The question is both ridiculous and highly familiar. Of course there are no guarantees, but I still find myself wanting some reassurances, or at least the chance to rant about the fact that good control is no guarantee.
Frankly, no one in life has any guarantees. Living with diabetes makes one more aware of this, but even the non-diabetic, eats-her-veggies, exercises-every-day person can still die early.
Remember the Atkins diet guy? Died after slipping on an icy sidewalk, from what I remember. Jim Fixx, an early proponent of running for fitness? Had an early heart attack at age 40. The 24-year-old grad student who got murdered in New York City a few weeks ago? Another non-diabetic person who died prematurely as a result of very bad luck. I don't mean to be gloomy about it, but frankly, living well with diabetes doesn't mean you're going to die any earlier than anyone not living with diabetes. All we can do, as diabetics, is do the best we can with the lives we've got and see how everything plays out.
Kassie,
When Brendon was first diagnosed, I got crazy with his highs and lows...highs=organ damage, lows=brain damage. So I decided to ask the endo how high and how often did Brendon need to be high in order to start seeing damage.
He told me that generally, people would need to ride in the 300's for 15-20 years before seeing significant damage. This greatly put my mind at ease and I was no longer fearing the highs to the point of passing out with worry.
Of course you hear things like people having tight control and still experiencing neuropathy, etc, but I think that tight control will offset the biggies.
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