All Snarkiness Aside

I've actually been holding back on responding to some of the comments that have been floating around concerning diabetes, marriage, dating, and parenthood. The idea which hit me the hardest was also the one I found the most ridiculous, and it came from "Sarah", who was commenting on a post at diabetesmine.com. Sarah wrote, among other things:

"I also agree that people with diabetes should never have children together. That is morally wrong. Why would you do that to a child?"

The concept is offensive, but I initially sighed and responded only briefly, merely referring to an old post of my own about whether or not people with diabetes should procreate.

I thought that much of what Sarah said was extreme, and her choice of words (in addition to her stance on the subject of dating) just struck me as ridiculous. Almost not worth getting riled up over.

Then, the other day, I got caught up in some posting and commenting going on over at the blog "Wife of a Diabetic". Clearly, diabeticwife's diabetic husband has a lot more going on than diabetes. And she is bearing the brunt of it. I do not envy her the situation she is in, and I totally respect the fact that she blogs to vent, and document, and for her own personal reasons. I don't expect her to blog for my benefit, or the benefit of anyone but herself.

However, she really threw me for a loop when, in response to a commenter's thoughts, she said:

"I will pray that you never marry a diabetic. No one should "volunteer" for that."

And that, my friends, is where I ceased being merely an annoyed reader, and started to get pissed off. Hence the sarcasm of yesterday.

Aside from the fact that diabeticwife made that statement to a young, single woman with diabetes , I was concerned that such a strong and bold statement is now part of Google search results.

I have had visitors find my blog by searching on the phrase, "Should I marry a diabetic?" Now, if they are using Google to answer that question, they may have other issues, but my point is that everything we write about becomes part of a public 'knowledgebase'. And when we post incorrect information (eg, Jonah's way-off stats about the chances of a child of two diabetics having the condition), or when we post extreme generalized opinions, we are shouting it from the rooftop, metaphorically speaking.

Sarah and diabeticwife are absolutely entitled to their opinions. But I'm glad that people have reacted strongly with opposing thoughts, I'd like to add this to the public forum on the topic of marrying people with diabetes:

Being married to a person with diabetes can flat-out suck sometimes. Seeing a combative or belligerent spouse through a low blood sugar is a unique challenge, one that often leaves me angry and scared. Worrying about complications, fretting over health choices, and finding the balance between supporting and nagging - these may be a part of your life at times if you chose to marry a diabetic.

But I still say that yes, kind reader, I think it's ok to marry a person with diabetes. If you love them, and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, heck yes, take the plunge. Know that marriage is hard work, and if you want it to last and you want to be happy, you will have to work at it. Diabetes may or may not make it harder, but I dare say that the manner in which you and your loved one approach life with diabetes will absolutely impact your relationship.

This is my opinion, based on my experience, as a person with diabetes who also married a diabetic.