dammit.

I've been sitting on some annoying news for a while (literally. The unopened letter had slipped under the couch cushion, and I discovered it today while straightening up the living room).

First, a little background information. For the past 3.5 years, I've worked as a consultant for my former employer in Massachusetts. It's been a great arrangement but, as a consultant, there is no health or life insurance. That's been manageable because my husband's employer offers health insurance.

This summer, when my father in law passed away, I had my first glimpse into what happens when someone dies and a funeral has to be paid for. I learned that a life insurance policy - even a modest one - is a really good thing. Trust me, you don't want to die without a plan and funds in place for burial or cremation. It just adds a totally unpleasant and unnecessary element to an already difficult time for your family.

After the funeral, John and I started having conversations about what to do if I die (with every conversation prefaced by "I don't like talking about this.") If something does happen to me, I don't want John scrambling to cover funeral expenses. So he investigated his benefits and learned that, for a few dollars a month, he could purchase a small ($10K) life insurance policy for me. No physical required.

As you may have guessed, the lost letter was a rejection from CIGNA, based on my height to weight ratio and the fact that I have diabetes, and take insulin, "as reported" by me on the application.

Sigh.

I know it is possible to get life insurance with diabetes, but this rejection has me a little bummed out. I can do something about the height/weight issue but last I heard, the diabetes will be sticking around for quite some time.

News Flash

Vadim won the Shriver Center dessert contest once again.

I am *so* flying up next year to challenge him!

Recipes welcome. Think chocolate.

Accountability

I met with my new endo late last week. She seems pleasant enough. She listened to me blather on and, when I bemoaned the fact that I wake up high more often than not, she suggested a 3-day CGMS study.

This was remarkable to me, because my former endo's office once said something to the effect of, "well, we use that really only when everything else has been straightened out." I took that to mean that unless I was doing all I could and was still experiencing unexplained highs, a CGMS run wasn't an option for me.

The problem with that approach, in my humble opinion, is that it fails to acknowledge just how disheartening and de-motivating (what's the opposite of motivational?) out-of-range blood sugars can be. In and of themselves, those morning highs are a reason to just crawl back under my diabetes shell and ignore the problem for another three months. And, since when is access to information about overnight blood sugars something to be earned?

After one full day of wearing the Minimed CGMS study unit (study = I don't see the blood sugars, they'll be downloaded later), I'm finding that just wearing it gives me focus. I walked by several holiday treat platters today, simply because the items offered weren't worthy of digging out the food diary record sheet that I'm keeping for three days (not to mention the uncountable carb values in your average homemade cookie). Tonight, for dinner out, I actually took the time to check the Pizzeria Uno menu on line so I'd know the carb value of my dinner.

For the most part, though, I'm motivated by the thought of my endo scrutinizing the details of this 3-day period. For whatever reason, I'm bringing my best game to this trial. Too bad my life isn't a series of 3-day stints, after which my endo and I analyze my blood sugars, insulin doses, and food choices! On second thought, thank God my life isn't a series of 3-day studies!

I'm more interested than ever in owning a CGMS. I'm working with the good folks at DexCom to get started on a system, hopefully in early January. I think the accountability offered by that little graph will be a good thing.

Woo Hoo!!!

While Christmas shopping Sunday night, I popped in to Borders Books in search of a present for my husband.

On a lark, I swung by the Health & Medicine section and browsed the diabetes shelves therein.

Smack dab in the middle of the second shelf... there it was... "When You're a Parent with Diabetes" by yours truly.

On the shelf.

At BORDERS.

Just like a real book!!!

TV: Part Two

Wednesday afternoon, I jetted off to the Big Apple for my Big TV Debut (aka "Fifteen Minutes of Fame"). After a very bumpy and seemingly circuitous ride from Laguardia to my hotel, I relaxed for a few minutes before heading out to stroll down to Rockefeller Plaza for a meeting (and to see the tree. Again.)

I went for a quick media training session with Dina Prus, MD (the endocrinologist who would appear with me), then out for a very tasty dinner at Bar Americain (a Bobby Flay restaurant). Thursday morning, I was up at 5 (normal wake up time for some people, unheard of for me) so that I would have time to actually dry my hair and attempt some makeup. I tried on both sweaters I'd packed - twice - before deciding on the blue. I'm as confident as they come when it comes to public speaking, but the prospect of TV cameras and a really, really large audience was a bit unnerving.

At the studio, Tonya the lovely hair and makeup person applied a nice, thick coat of makeup. Throughout the morning, Tonya would swing by to re-apply blush or lip color. I decided then and there that what I really want for Christmas is a hair and makeup person to follow me around!

Throughout the morning, we did 12 radio interviews and 6 TV interviews. It was quite bizarre to be looking at a tv camera, pretending to speak to an interviewer whose voice was piped into my ear. At least one of the tv stations posts their health reports on their website, so when it airs, I hope to be able to share a link. But in the meantime, you can take my word for it that I was brilliant, insightful, succint and inspirational! At least, that was plan.

I have to say, I enjoyed my moment in the spotlight. The one disappointment of the morning came when we were bumped from a spot on a national news station - all of their resources were being directed toward the Senator Johnson story. Understandable, of course, but I was a little bummed.

All in all an interesting and somewhat surreal experience.

TV: Part one

Bayer has been arranging a very nice amount of PR in support of my book. First, we had the 48 radio interviews over the course of two months. Right now, as I type this entry, there is a crew in my kitchen shooting what's called 'b-roll footage'.

This footage will be used in conjuction with a satellite media tour next week (coming to a local tv station near you!) where I discuss my book, the Dream Fund, and diabetes management during the holidays.

TV cameras, lights a 'sound guy', and a director, here in my kitchen. The cats are completely freaked out! When the kids get home from school/day care, they'll join in the fun.

The highlight of the day for me (so far) has been when the director asked for more 'clutter' in the background of the shot. You *know* I spent all day yesterday putting all the damn clutter away!

I keep trying to think of things to type while the camera is rolling. So far the Lord's Prayer, "All good men should come to the aid of their country," and the song "If I had a hammer".

More to follow as the day progresses...

[update] I'm exhausted!! Here's a photo that sort of illustrates the set up. We also did some outside stuff (walking with Ryan while he rode his scooter, picking Jake up from school, and hanging our christmas wreath) plus some footage of the whole family making fruit salad (yummy yummy). I checked my blood sugar something like 5 or 6 times in a row for close ups of the meter (you PWDs will appreciate this: the last two times I didn't have to re-lance my finger). Ryan got to say, "Action!" and "Cut" a few times. All in all, a fun and productive day!

Next week: the big NYC Satellite Media Tour!

Aren't you Sweet!

Well thank you, kind readers, for the nice comments on my previous post. I do appreciate it!

Just a reminder that I'm scaling back - not disappearing. When the Perfect Post percolates inside me, I'll be here in a heartbeat. Perhaps even for the nearly Perfect Post. Or perhaps just for some drivel of the mindless variety.

And thank you to those folks who saw fit to nominate my book in the Non-Blog Diabetes Resource category of the diabetes OC awards. That was very kind of you!

I hope to emerge from some work/life chaos soon (in time for the holiday rush!) with an announcement about my big time television debut. So keep me on your blogrolls for now at least!