On the Other Hand

I've spent a fair amount of time recently defending the right of a person with diabetes (or a couple with diabetes) to make their own damn decisions about marriage and procreation. I have no problem with a person with diabetes saying they choose not to have children. It's their choice. But I do take issue with the fact that people think it's ok to comment on other people's decisions. Toss out a blanket statement like xyz group of people "should never have children together. That is morally wrong" and you're going to get me started.

And (as evidenced by this *third* post on a topic that's been beaten to death), you don't want to get me started.

Because I tend to perseverate.

So I've been ranting to anyone who'll listen or read, boldly defending my right to pass on genes that might be considered by some to be faulty.

In an odd little twist of fate, I found myself in a conversation last week about donor sperm. Specifically, we were discussing just what aspects of a sperm donor profile would cause one to choose (or pass) on a donor.

Turns out, when you take love out of the equation, everything is fair game. Health history, parental and maternal health history - heck, even aunts and uncles come into play. Personality traits, likes and dislikes, and GPAs can be considered.

I stated that if I had to choose donor sperm I'd seek out someone who is not too tall (because I'm already tall, and tall plus tall could equal really tall, and trust me that's tough on a teenage girl) and someone who could sing (because if I could sell my soul to the devil it would be for the ability to sing). Of course, I'd be just as likely to end up creating a very tall, tone-deaf child instead of my cleverly designed average height American Idol.

But, truth be told, I'd probably set aside the files of donors with a strong family history of any number of conditions, including diabetes.

I guess that it's a good thing (for me, and for others with potential "flaws") that we don't all fill out 6 page health histories and personality surveys before a first date!

Please feel free to comment and describe your perfect donor!

Police

The Boys in Blue have done it again. According to an article in today's Boston Globe, the police department in Northampton, MA will not hire a person who uses an insulin pump.

I'm guessing that the theory is that injecting insulin could lead to low blood sugars, which could compromise a person's ability to react, make decisions, fire a weapon, etc. They will hire you if you take injections, depending upon the severity of the diabetes. I'm guessing that this means they'll hire a person with type 2 who injects insulin once a day.

I hope the publicity surrounding this particular case will cause the Northampton police to increase their understanding of diabetes and how it is managed. Kudos to the young man involved for fighting the policy and drawing attention to the situation!

All Snarkiness Aside

I've actually been holding back on responding to some of the comments that have been floating around concerning diabetes, marriage, dating, and parenthood. The idea which hit me the hardest was also the one I found the most ridiculous, and it came from "Sarah", who was commenting on a post at diabetesmine.com. Sarah wrote, among other things:

"I also agree that people with diabetes should never have children together. That is morally wrong. Why would you do that to a child?"

The concept is offensive, but I initially sighed and responded only briefly, merely referring to an old post of my own about whether or not people with diabetes should procreate.

I thought that much of what Sarah said was extreme, and her choice of words (in addition to her stance on the subject of dating) just struck me as ridiculous. Almost not worth getting riled up over.

Then, the other day, I got caught up in some posting and commenting going on over at the blog "Wife of a Diabetic". Clearly, diabeticwife's diabetic husband has a lot more going on than diabetes. And she is bearing the brunt of it. I do not envy her the situation she is in, and I totally respect the fact that she blogs to vent, and document, and for her own personal reasons. I don't expect her to blog for my benefit, or the benefit of anyone but herself.

However, she really threw me for a loop when, in response to a commenter's thoughts, she said:

"I will pray that you never marry a diabetic. No one should "volunteer" for that."

And that, my friends, is where I ceased being merely an annoyed reader, and started to get pissed off. Hence the sarcasm of yesterday.

Aside from the fact that diabeticwife made that statement to a young, single woman with diabetes , I was concerned that such a strong and bold statement is now part of Google search results.

I have had visitors find my blog by searching on the phrase, "Should I marry a diabetic?" Now, if they are using Google to answer that question, they may have other issues, but my point is that everything we write about becomes part of a public 'knowledgebase'. And when we post incorrect information (eg, Jonah's way-off stats about the chances of a child of two diabetics having the condition), or when we post extreme generalized opinions, we are shouting it from the rooftop, metaphorically speaking.

Sarah and diabeticwife are absolutely entitled to their opinions. But I'm glad that people have reacted strongly with opposing thoughts, I'd like to add this to the public forum on the topic of marrying people with diabetes:

Being married to a person with diabetes can flat-out suck sometimes. Seeing a combative or belligerent spouse through a low blood sugar is a unique challenge, one that often leaves me angry and scared. Worrying about complications, fretting over health choices, and finding the balance between supporting and nagging - these may be a part of your life at times if you chose to marry a diabetic.

But I still say that yes, kind reader, I think it's ok to marry a person with diabetes. If you love them, and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, heck yes, take the plunge. Know that marriage is hard work, and if you want it to last and you want to be happy, you will have to work at it. Diabetes may or may not make it harder, but I dare say that the manner in which you and your loved one approach life with diabetes will absolutely impact your relationship.

This is my opinion, based on my experience, as a person with diabetes who also married a diabetic.

The Sarcastic Response

This is the first of a few responses to recent blog posts and comments offering dating/marriage advice. If my head clears on this one, I'll go for a thoughtful response. But for now, you get my own particular brand of sarcasm.

Kassie's list of people or types of people that you would do well to avoid dating, loving, and/or marrying.

1) People with diabetes.
2) People with food allergies that can result in anaphylaxis.
3) People with MS.
4) People who use wheelchairs.
5) People who eat fast food.
6) Cancer survivors.
7) Anyone who has a condition listed in the NORD database.
8) People who smoke.
9) People who drink.
10) People who eat red meat.
11) People who travel to other countries (they could pick up a disease you know).
12) Licensed drivers(much more likely to get into a fatal or debilitating car accident).
13) Airline Pilots, sky divers, mountain climbers, hot air balloonists and window-washers.
14) Anyone in any branch of the Military.
15) People with heart disease (I suggest a baseline EKG prior to any second date).
16) People with a family history of cancer.
17) Coal Miners (and probably their daughters).
18) People who live in Tornado Alley.
19) People who don't exercise.
20) Firefighters and police officers.

21) People who chew with their mouths open (ok, that one is for real. Who needs to put up with that til death do you part?)

Coach

My husband has coached Jake's baseball team the past few years. The pre-season coaches meeting - where rosters were handed out - was earlier tonight. John came home and immediately started calling players, introducing himself and sharing practice time and location information.

One call lasted just a few extra minutes, and I wish I had been listening in, to hear it first hand.

This year, a third grader who I'll call "J", was rather randomly placed on our team. Jake knows J from school, even though he's a year younger, because J uses a cozmo pump, too. John quickly let the dad know that both he and I have type 1, and that I use a pump, and that he's been a diabetic for over 38 years.

John said the relief in that dad's voice was palpable (ok, palpable is my word). He also said he would be sure to be more obvious about checking his blood sugar at practices and games, so that J would know it's cool. John's excited that there'll be a kid with diabetes on his team.

Faithful readers and friends will know that I met John while we were both working at diabetes camp. You gotta love a guy who has already proven himself to be good with kids. And you gotta love a guy who sees a kid with diabetes and gets excited about showing that kid that having diabetes doesn't have to get in the way of important things like baseball.

And for the first time in possibly forever, J's parents do not have to worry about teaching a coach the diabetes ropes. We've got it covered!

Meet Jenna Scarsi

It's my pleasure to introduce Jenna Scarsi, the 2006 winner of the Bayer Dream Fund. For those not familiar with the fund, Bayer Diabetes Care (makers of the Contour and Breeze meters) sponsors an annual contest that supports the efforts of an individual with type 1 or type 2 diabetes. Two winning dreams have featured physical efforts that demonstrate the unlimited potential of a person with diabetes (like John Dennis, who entered an around-the-world solo sailing race, and Peter Hoogenboom's amazing bicycle tour visiting all 48 states in the continental US). My project focused on sharing inspiration and information. My personal favorite dream fund activity, Colleen McCarthy LaPierre's "Dream Big" SCUBA and adventure camp, combined support, inspiration, community and a once off-limits activity (SCUBA diving)to create a truly inspiring experience for eight teenagers with diabetes.

Jenna, our 2006 winner, is a CDE and person with diabetes based in the Chicago area. For the past two years, she has hosted "Lights, Camera, Cure", a fundraising and education event that brings families together for a day of fun at the movies. A health fair prior to the event gives folks a chance to learn more about diabetes and meet other families living with it. It's a classic combination, with the added bonus of raising money for diabetes research.

Jenna's dream is to take the event nation-wide. With the help of the Dream Fund, she's hosting "Lights, Camera, Cure" in five cities across the nation. If she's coming to a town near you, I hope you'll consider attending the event.

Jenna's the kind of person with diabetes that has inspired me since my own diagnosis twenty years ago. She's that person who is willing to stand up and demonstrate that having diabetes doesn't mean retreating from the world and its challenges. She's the educator that teaches and shows how to live well, and who constantly looks for ways to improve the lives of her patients. Like so many of us, she yearns for a cure and works hard to support people with diabetes while we wait. And she's putting her life on hold for the next year to take that message to as many folks as possible. I'm thankful for her, and people like her, who focus their energies on what we can do, even with a cranky pancreas.

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The Dream Fund is taking applications for the 2007 contest. If you have a dream that inspires others by demonstrating what people with diabetes can do, visit http://www.bayerdreamfund.com to apply.

Rome

Jake and I spent the last week in Rome. As in Italy. As in, 8+ hour transatlantic flight, different language, different currency, different everything. We toured the city with my wonderful parents and a group of adults, led by a former high school classics teacher. We saw many of the 'must-see' sights, and a lot of little out-of-the-way treasures.

We walked literally everywhere except to and from the airport. In ever-widening circles from our hotel (which was next to the Pantheon), we dodged tourists, scooters, and tiny cars along narrow twisting cobblestone streets. As Jake hopped around enthusiastically, the adults panted at the top of what felt like a hundred steps leading out of the ruins of the Forum Romani. I can't remember the last time I walked that much without raising money for something.

Hesitantly at first but with a confidence that increased as the week went on, we tried out Italian phrases like 'grazie' and 'buongiorno'. Our halting Italian was graciously tolerated by those we met.

Between two cameras, we took a combined total of 600 digital pictures of everything from ancient ruins to the tiniest cars we've ever seen.

We ate food so good that I've spent the last day or so looking at my pantry with disdain, yearning for fresh vegetables, prosciutto, mozzarella, and perfect portions of homemade pasta. We tried new dishes and came to prefer sparkling mineral water with our meals. The gelato deserves its own post, but you can rest assured that we sampled a variety of flavors, at least once a day. As we toured the city, we refilled our water bottles at numerous free-flowing fountains tied into ancient aquaducts.

My diabetes required very little additional attention, outside of more vigilant testing and preparation. I wore my Dex-com for the first few days, until the battery ran out. That was the only charger I forgot to pack. I pro-actively treated a few walk-induced 70's and 80's, and managed the pasta and other carbs well enough. No doubt, the constant and steady exercise was a boon. Perhaps I can get my doctor to prescribe daily walking tours of gorgeous cities as a therapy.

Perhaps most important, I shared this experience with my amazing ten-year old son, whose curiousity about Ancient Rome was the impetus for the trip. He was a delight to be with, and made me so proud with his questions, humor and enthusiasm, not to mention his all-around terrific behavior.

I now need to find a fantastically lucrative career that allows for extensive time off for travel. "Lottery Winner" is the only job title that comes to mind, so it may be a while before I return to explore more of Italy. But returning is definitely on my high priority list of things to do.